Obvious Problems
by Helljump
Summary: Naruto and Co. discuss problems mentioned in modern music, and try to suggest solutions. Bring your sense of humour.


Based on the song 'Unfaithful' By Rihanna... Mainly because I heard it three times in a half hour or so at work, and found myself irritated by that last line.

Because it's popular to say this sort of thing, I'll tell you all that I don't own Rihanna's music, nor do I own Naruto. If I do somehow manage to make any money out of this fic, I'll be mailing it on to either one or the other of their owner's... so don't bother.

* * *

They walked into the shoddily built studio, which appeared to literally be falling apart, barring the stage, with its large desk, and it's letter... which couldn't be that terrible surely?

* * *

…I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why

And everytime I walk out the door

I see him die a little more inside

And I don't wanna hurt him anymore

I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be...

A murderer,

Rihanna.

* * *

Sasuke looked up from the letter, "You want me to try to answer her problem?" He said, eyebrow raised, "You do realise I would easily kill her to get my hands on a technique that has such effects?"

Shikamaru groaned. "Stop being so troublesome and just answer the letter, alright? The sooner you do, the sooner I get to go cloud watching again…"

"Tch, whatever. Why am I doing this anyway? Surely those Sailor Senshi women are better at dealing with all that mushy stuff?"

"She wants to not be a murderer. Murder's kind of our thing as ninja, so here we are. You don't like it, take it up with the Hokage, it's your probationary task after all."

"Ugh, fine, let's just get on with it. Is that thing on?" Sasuke glanced up from the desk to glare at the bored Kage Bunshin hanging over the camera, seeing a nod sent his way, he sighed and straightened up. "Right, Rihanna, your problem seems pretty simple to be honest. Release the poor sap from your technique and don't kill him. Unless you go murdering somebody else, you won't be a murderer… unless you've already killed somebody else. Then you're already a murderer. Since you can't really take that back, you're stuck in that case."

Shikamaru looked up from his position lying across the desk. "That's it?"

"Do you want me to go on?"

"Not really…"

"Then we're done. We just have to package the tape up and send it off to that woman now, right?"

"Yeah, we-"

"GOUKAKYOU NO JUTSU!" Shikimaru ducked under the desk as the letter, as well as most of the studio behind them turned to ash. "Let's go. I need to beat the living crap out of Naruto for giving me such inane tasks."

"Go get him, Killer" Shikamaru, grumbled, disappearing in a brief flutter of leaves.

"Oi, Sasuke, is that seriously all you have to say on the matter?" The clone called from behind the recorder

"Yeah, she doesn't want to be a murderer, so she shouldn't kill him. Case closed. What more could there possibly be?"

"Well, she could be a reluctant psycho killer, in which case she should really see a therapist or something… Or if she has super strength that could crush a guy during… physical activities."

Sasuke grunted, "Then should train herself in fine motor control so that she doesn't, even you could work that out with a little time Naruto."

The clone scratched the back of his head, grinning "Yeah, but she couldn't even figure out how to NOT be a murderer, that seems kind of stupid… even to me!"

"…You have a point."

"See! That's why we need to-"

"But I don't care, This was a pointless waste of time. Send it off so I can get on with tracking down and mutilating your original already." He flashed through a couple of hand signs

An enthusiastic thumbs up was flashed. "You got it boss!" But he was already gone. "He's still such a dick…" The clone turned to the camera, squinting. "Seriously though, cheating on a guy's kind of harsh, yeah? If you don't love him, break up with him, otherwise you're just really being kind of a bitch. Anyway, good luck with that!" With that done he leant over and turned off the camera. "Sheesh, all this bother just because that guy thinks Rihanna's music is stupid. He could just not listen to it like any other sane person… Whatever, that guy's a loser anyway" Grabbing the tape, he disappeared before the author could erase him from existence, leaving just the audience and one mildly irritated author staring at an empty, half burnt studio.

Are you guys seriously still reading? Well thanks for reading my rambling fic, hope you enjoyed, or at least empathised.

Fin.

* * *

I might throw in some other Moany chapters about other songs that irritate me at some point in the future. Don't hold your collective breaths though.  
Apologies if the characters seemed OOC, or if my breach of the fourth wall has offended your sense of propriety. I'm going to be honest, it's literally been years since I've written any form of fiction before today. So be kind.  
If you see any unforgivable spelling or grammar faults, point it out in a review. Looking at FFnet's spellcheck... it doesn't seem to like romanised Japanese... or the word empathised.


End file.
